I wish life had little blips of pornography
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
