No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
