My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
