Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
