Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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