girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Shame - the story of my life.
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