so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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