it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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