I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We need to get me chipped asap
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
