____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
