My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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