I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
