it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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