dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
