you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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