i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
