His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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