He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
