Just fell off a train. Bad.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
