Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
