dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
