I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
