I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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