if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize