i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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