Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
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