Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
