She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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