so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
