So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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