Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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