I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize