she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
