I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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