This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just had sex on a roof
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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