i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
