is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
