You really coming over, don't trick.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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