THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
