now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
