saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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