Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
