On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
