He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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