Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
