Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
