My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
