yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
