She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
