Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
