but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
