My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You have to summon your inner elephant
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
