He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
