why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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