Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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