we're chasing vodka with high fives
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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