I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
