So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This is my gift to your gina
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
