Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
