I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I AM VODKA MAN
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You were trust falling into bushes
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
