What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
