Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
