Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
