my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
