at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my shit smells like andre
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
