In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
