I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
