and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Someone came in the potted fern
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
