Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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