If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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