Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
