I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
