I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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