Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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