he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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