He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
