Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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