a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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